I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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