my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
