im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
