Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
