Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
