I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
