He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
