mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
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