discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
