You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
