Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
she smelled like a LAN party
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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