We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
