i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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