Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
