I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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