Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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