She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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