All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
