Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
