ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
