Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
50% drunk capacity currently
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Randomize
