Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
