Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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