Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Congratulations! We have a period
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