Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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