i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
