Your mouth is God's brothel.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Randomize
