y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
