coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
