she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
foreskin is a definite game changer
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
