I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
handjob tips. give me some.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
