I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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