the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
