You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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