he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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