I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
50% drunk capacity currently
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
