This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
