I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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