I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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