Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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