I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
