I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He shit in the fireplace
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
