I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
