Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
