now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
and she was petting her beer can
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
