So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
