Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
