i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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