I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
