I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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